Subtle Patterns of Social Influence in Interpersonal Relationships

Abstract

When researchers study persuasion, they often focus on the explicit messages people use to influence others. But sometimes it is what goes “unsaid” that can be just as powerful as what is “said.” For example, thinking back to your childhood, it was probably the more subtle unspoken norms or expectations in your family, along with the explicit messages from family members, which influenced your attitudes and behaviors. There are also “hot button issues” in families and other close relationships that often become taboo topics because they tend to create conflict. Even though these particular topics are avoided, their persuasive power is equally as palpable when they are avoided as when they surface in conversations.

In fact, in some cases, taboo topics may be even more powerful in their persuasive ability than if they were to continually surface for discussion because the very fact that they are “off limits” can prompt people to ruminate or mull about why they are taboo, creating difficulties in relationships (see Afifi & Joseph, 2009; Afifi & Steuber, 2010; Roloff & Ifert, 1998). For example, taboo topics that are often commonly avoided in families and other close relationships are religion and politics. What if you grew up in a household of strong Republicans but as you grew older and moved out of the household, you realized that your identity was situated firmly in the Democratic party? When your family members would make comments around election time that bothered you, you would introduce an opposing position. However, because those opinions were dismissed by all of your siblings and your parents (who have the legitimate power in the family), you began to withhold your opinions. Over time, or even in one memorable moment, politics became a taboo topic in your family. If politics is extremely important to you and your family, but the differences in political identity between you and your family are great, it may make you (and them) feel bad if you are not able to reasonably discuss political points of view with them. On the other hand, taboo topics such as this can often help maintain better relationship quality because not talking about them prevents unproductive conflicts from occurring. From a social influence perspective, the social norms in families and interpersonal relationships can have a very powerful influence on our identities and how we communicate in these relationships.